What's this "last" you speak of?

What's this "last" you speak of? We don't talk like that. This has been by far the most stressful period of my life. I never realized how much this whole process takes out of you, even as an observer. It consumes mass amounts of time, finding new articles, more research, anything to give me a little extra jolt of hope. As the weather changes I can see the change in my dad's attitude. I still haven't been able to decide if it's becuase the days are getting shorter or his life is. It's frustrating when the most happy-go-lucky guy you know with a million jokes has nothing funny to tell me when I call.
I don't think that dad's received the oral chemo yet. It's supposed to come in the mail and first they had to get through all the red insurance tape which is ANGERING to say the least. Couldn't they just send it and deal with the red-tape later? It's been a little over a week since he should have had his last treatment and I feel like in the mean time the tumors could be growing and there's some lady somewhere sitting behind a desk on her thumbs who doesn't know my dad, or care how much he means to us. Every day that we waste is a day that we could have...well...not wasted.
He went to the ER tonight with pain in his foot and ankle, it was all red and swollen so we were worried about an infection. Turns out it was uric acid build up from being dehydrated and the kidneys not filtering out as much as they should. It makes me nervous...was this just a fluke thing or is something wrong with his kidney's now? Everything makes me panic. Panic is my new state of being, I guess. I jump when the phone rings, and each moment that I'm not with him I worry that I'm not spending enough time with him.
Once classes are done for the semester I think I'll start going over there more. Maybe with the oral chemo he'll have some more good days and we'll be able to travel or do something fun as a family.
Jana's coming up tomorrow so we can have an early Thanksgiving. Although it might not feel like it at times, we are blessed and have so much to give thanks for. It will be nice to be together even if it isn't the "actual" holiday. I think we should make our own holidays. Every day we spend as a family should be a holiday. A day to give thanks, a day to be greatful for the people and things in our lives that have made us who we are.
See you all tomorrow!