huh

It's still very surreal. Most of the time I'm fine, but there are the occasional reminders that tug at the heartstrings. The questions I get from the kids are the hardest. This weekend, my mom was reading to Zach and he asked her if he could say goodbye to Papa. Ugh. He had come into the hospital to talk to Papa and say goodbye when we got there the night before Thanksgiving, but while he is old enough to "get it," I'm not sure how much he really does get it.

It's going to be a strange holiday, that is for sure. And next year's will be just a rough, I expect. Maybe worse. But I hope they will get easier as time goes on. I was wrapping gifts last night and came across the things I bought my dad for Christmas. I had mentioned to Erika that I had these things, and we half decided that we should have a "dad" night and try to enjoy some of the stuff we had already bought (favorite hot chocolate, mugs, and 24-hours of WWII documentaries;) in honor of him. Obviously, my mom will be invited, too, assuming we do anything. But at least we could all be together and feel close to him and one another.

proud papa

It's been a rough week, as you can only imagine. But is amazing to see how many people's lives daddy touched in such a positive way. It seems he wasn't just our light, but sunshine for others as well. I think just about every person I spoke to Monday and Tuesday told me how he always talked about his grandbabies and how proud he was of me. It was nice to hear. You know you think they are proud of you (or at least they have reason to be) but you only hear it once in awhile. On days when you really need a lift, it seems like a nice way to honor someone by sharing stories and memories.

There were some funny ones, let me tell you. My dad was one accident-prone man, I think from the day he was born and on. The stories i have heard over the years and some new ones I have heard in the last week...If you know my dad, you know what kind of stories they were...

Today was my mom's 64th birthday. Pretty hard to celebrate after yesterday, but we all have to move forward. Life goes on and so must we. We found some pretty funny things that made us laugh today, so we are marking new memories of daddy as well. And then we went out for dinner wih great family and friends, enough to relieve the sadness even for only a short while.

I am taking mom back to Burlington with me on Friday. We are going to Boston to the American Girl Place and doing the sleepover at one of the hotels nearby. Should be fun and will certainly be a distraction. What cute granddaughter isn't? Oh, the shopping in Natick, MA, won't be too bad either.